I now live in Niseko, a small town with some surrounding villages that used to be a sleepy little farming community. In the last few years, however, it's been seeing a winter season boom for its skiing due to the copious amount of snow that get dumped on it. Having grown up in Minnesota, I'm no stranger to snow, but I'm amazed at how much has fallen in the last week, and it's just the beginning of the season. At least it doesn't get as freaking cold as Minnesota does- none of this -40 stuff. However, due to the amount of snow, of course the road conditions are often not the best. The people here are prepared for it, the plows are out and working in large numbers, but there's still only so much they can do, and it does take time to get everything clear. The roads (already a little narrow since the are Japanese roads) get a little narrower due to the snowbanks, packed snow and ice underneath can make things difficult, and of course everyone else on the road is either a suicidal maniac, a freaking idiot, or a drunken Australian.

I mentioned once before in a post about driving up winding mountain roads with vertical drop-offs on either side of the road for drainage ditches, and how the Japanese driver will, instead of driving as close to the side of the road as possible to give both cars as much room to pass each other, will try to go as close to the oncoming car as possible- at full speed- in an attempt to burn the paint off the side via air friction. The same apparently holds true on winter roads. I've got two wheels in the cruddy edges of the plowed snowbank on my side, the oncoming traffic is driving like my father does on country roads- taking his half of the road out of the middle. I have quite a few white knuckle moments and nearly had a few brown trouser moments due to psychotic suicidal drivers of this sort  on a daily basis.

As for the snow and icy roads, dropping the speed a little is often a good thing. Slamming on brakes is not. When the snowfall reaches white-out blizzard conditions of the sort where you can't even see to the hood of the car, reducing your speed should be a necessity. I said should be. Yet I've been driving in such conditions and seen other cars come up behind, nearly hit me, then go flying past me at roughly double the speed limit. Granted, Japanese speed limits are very low, but under the conditions...

And then there are the drunken Australians. Niseko's current boom is fueled in large part by tourists from Australia coming to ski and snowboard. In the evenings, they hit the bars, as tourists are wont to do. Then they all go out and walk in the middle of the street, especially in the areas where te sidewalks actually have been cleared. This is when I see them, since I work nights and have to do a patrol of the company's rental properties. Cars approaching? The natural tendency would be to move to the side of the road. But no, these idiots seem to think they're on the sidewalk. Often they stare at the car with a "What I'm WALKIN' here" look. The few who do move to the side for you to pass are walking in large groups, half of which will go to one side of the one-lane road, half to the other, meaning you now have to try to straddle them and not clip them with the rearview mirrors while they stumble and slide on the snow and ice around you. Many of them try to hitchhike (I'm not sure of hitchhiking's legal status in Japan) and I've even had a couple try grabbing the car to bumper drag. I was mooned once. Does nobody tell these people what Japanese Hospital stays are like? Ok, my Japanese hospital stay wasn't that bad, at least once the nurses realized my Japanese was somewhat competent to the task of communication, but do you really want to spend your ski vacation in the hospital (the nearest one of which is 10km away)?

I've decided that I'm going to sell my car and start driving a tank, a large mass of metal with big, crush anything treads. Maybe I'd make do with a Monster Truck. And once I start driving it, no longer will I try to leave as much room on the road as possible- I see one of those idiots trying to hold the middle of the road, it's time to play a game of chicken without letting them know the rules and just drive right over the car. Same with drunken tourists. Or, if I'm feeling magnanimous, I might attach a big metal scoop to the front, sort of like the cattle catchers you see on the front of old trains. They won't get out of the way? They won't have a choice. And I think maybe I'll get a hood ornament on the front of the thing, a big statue of Andre the Giant which shouts his line from the Princess Bride "EVERYBODY MOOOOOOOOVE!".  

Tags: driving, japan, niseko